Turning 30 Series: A Rose by Any Other Name....

I feel like I've spent too many years fighting (I don't know who) for who I am and approval that she is OK. In the last two years, I've really gotten to know who that is and why she matters. Two years isn't a whole lot of time to know someone, but already she's changing and becoming someone else.

Like any terrible toddler, I find myself digging my heels in the ground in a tantrum and saying "No!" I'm not ready to wave bye bye to her yet.

Growing up, like most of us, I was encouraged to get the best education I could and get a good job that could one day support my own family. Without realising it, I grew up attaching this ideal to my value as a human and my idea of success. Two years ago that ideal was flung into mother nature's version of the Nutribullet and destroyed. I quit my job. Yea, a western child's luxury - to have a job and then quit because you don't like it. I thought I would get a new job easy-peasy and carry on towards "success."

What happened instead was almost a year of unemployment. I was so unprepared for how much that would crush who I was. Crushed beyond recognition. 

Looking back now, it wasn't the loss of income that took such a toll. It was what that loss of income represented to me as a functioning, independent adult. Even now I struggle to put it across in a tangible way. Who I was as a whole was tied to clocking in. My validation for existence was tied to that monthly wage slip and being able to keep a roof over my head. It might seem feeble for some and the fact that I have now re-joined the ranks of daily commuters isn't what's pushing me to write this now. Unemployment is irrelevant to the point.

I've tried to put what happened to me into words for some time now, but I've not been able to capture the emotion of what happened, even now I feel I'm failing miserably. I wish I could pour the churning in pit of my stomach now onto the page and present it to you wordlessly. Still today, that feeling shocks me.

During that year I went through depression. I wouldn't get out of bed for weeks at a time, was physically afraid to leave my house. Afraid of bumping into people, in case they asked me what I was doing out and about during working hours. I was deeply ashamed and any other facet of my being didn't matter because I couldn't earn a salary.

However, out of that time, I birthed a new business; She Dressed Up. I always smile when I tell people she was born from £20. Literally £20. And from her a new Rose blossomed. Rose knew that her value wasn't because people loved roses for Valentine's Day, or because she was a great option for Mother's Day. Her value wasn't attached to a season or monetary value. Rose knew she was valuable because she was a Rose. Simple as - and my God the freedom that realisation has brought into my life is still breathtaking.

Have you ever watched a flower blossom? It's mesmerising! The petals open and stretch proudly and with purpose. Without apology and it doesn't matter if it rains, or if it's sunny. It blooms anyway. That's the Rose I became two years ago and I love her fiercely. Today, I have a new name as a wife, a new responsibility and will God willing become a mother in the near future. How do I reconcile these new identities with who I am today? My fight (albeit a mere push to some) knocked me on my ass for a long time and I'm not willing to give up the winner's belt for the medal of motherhood. The examples of women who carry both are far away from me, so how do I bid farewell to the love of my life and make friends with the new girl?

Photo Credit:JOT Photography

One Year with Locs - Update

So next month i'll be hitting 2 years with my micro locs!

Happy birthday to my hair lol, it's one of several hair-versaries I have celebrated, but this birthday is extra special as it's my first one with coloured hair!

In the the beginning of my loc journey - 1st 3 months, i seriously considered taking them down and even went as far as taking one of my locs out just to see that I could! I was so used to the versatility of my afro, I didn't know what to do with my new look.

It was a comforting and familiar feeling however, I remembered feeling exactly the same way when I did my big chop in October 2011. I knew it would happen and I embraced it as part of the process.

I also knew that I would compare my hair to people with people with fully mature locs, be them long or short, thick or super thin locs, I knew I would compare. And this too was a phase that I welcomed, because I knew that after enough time had passed I would come to love and embrace my locs as they are. I'm about 95% of the way there now.

I'm not 100% happy with them, and that's mostly because of the length. I have this arbitrary goal in mind, that my hair must be at least as long as it was when I was a loose natural (bra length) for me to feel like I have achieved/conquered this style (nonsense, I know!) One of the biggest milestones for me is my hairline growing back! My temples have always been super sensitive and when I started my locs, this area is what taunted me the most. Today, enough hair has grown on my right temple to start 4 baby locs and 3 on my left, the left still has a gap where another 2 locs should be, but I don't fret anymore because in time, this will hopefully also grow back.

I've been rocking bright red locs since July 2016 and have been loving it, but I toned down the colour a couple of weeks ago as I felt it was a tad too bright for the winter season, so it's more of a maroon colour now, than a true red as before!

If you are new to microlocs feel free to contact me via any of my social media pages and i will definitely get back to you.

xoxo
Rose

Turning 30 Series: The Big 30

I have been looking forward to turning 30 since my 29th birthday - none of my friends have shared this excitement. 

Listening to women older than me, they have said time and time again that entering their thirties was the time period in their life when they said "This is who I am, you're either going to like it or you ain't gonna f****** like it."

My nearest and dearest have known i've had this mentality for a while yet, so this will be no surprise. But personally turning 30 signals a new freedom, a new confidence and a new sense of womanhood that I have been counting down to. I haven't (yet) given much thought as to why I view 30 as some sort of permission slip to living and it's something I want to explore over the next 10 months, but I definitely think getting married has something to do with it!

So i'll be revisiting this topic, when I have discovered something new...

xoxo

"Stay Cute Baby Girl" - Letting Myself Go

In my world, it's not always referred to letting yourself go. In my world its called "Falling off" a.k.a " Guuuurl, what happened to you? You fell off!"

I feel all the way off last year, climbed back up in August and then fell off a cliff! 

Most of the comments I received rotated around the fact that I was a newlywed (Had my traditional marriage in August, the church wedding is a few months away) and I couldn't let myself fall apart now that I've nabbed myself a husband. To be fair the thought did cross my mind, but I had so much going on that my looks were the last of my worries. 

This year (only 6 days in haha!) what has made me want to 'fix up, look sharp' isn't looking good for the hubby, although that's a definite plus for him. It's looking good for me. 

A colleague of mine, who is also a newlywed and I are both suffering the same dilemma, but we both want to look good to feel good. So now we are both accountable to each other for making sure everyday we are insta-ready. Although 2015 was one of the best years of my life, it was also the most challenging by a mile. I had many moments where I was so down and depressed that I didn't get out of bed for weeks at a time. Now that God has graced me to get to the other side, I don't want to do anything out of obligation ("If you don't look good for your man another woman will"), I am doing things that make me feel good. My relationship makes me feel good, my job makes me feel like the biggest boss this side of the river, my church makes me feel good, even in correction. My friendships, my purchases, and indeed my hair and make-up all are done to make ME feel good. As selfish as that sounds, these days I am so 'full' pouring out to my friends and loved ones is a hell of a lot easier than it was before.

So if I ever fall off again, you better believe, I'll be feeling good doing it!

Have a great 'feel good' day!

xoxo

A photo posted by Rose Omame-Frempong (@maamerose) on Jan 6, 2016 at 4:33am PST