Who Am I Again? - Mother's Day

In June 2016, I wrote one of my most popular blog posts to date. I talked about finally accepting myself for who I was and loving it. I ended it with a question of sorts; I knew that at some point I would want to become a mother, but I was terrified of having to give up who I had become to be 'Mother.'

Nearly three years later, I read that post again and smile...I remember the anxiety, the questions I had that were impossible for anyone to answer. I look back on that Rose with fondness and wish I could have quelled her fears and reassured her that Rose 2.0 is just as, if not even more amazing than the original.

My biggest concern was with this idea of 'losing myself' to motherhood. It had taken so long to find her, that the concept of running back into the labyrinth of self discovery with my eyes closed made not one lick of sense. Pretty much everyone is resistant to change, and the change from 'me' to 'mum' is one where you're forced to get out of the driver's seat and give it to a person that can't even carry the weight of their own head....Jesus is Lord! Lmao!

I sit down on the sofa as I'm writing this, my little guy is teething, so the grumpy attitude and clingy nature is in full swing, and yet I relish it. His little arm squeezed tight around my neck is the purest, sweetest joy I know. His eyes are fluttering, I assume he's dreaming. I stroke his soft brown curls, perfect eyebrows and rub his back. So small, yet teaching me so much.

As people, we don't like change, we take comfort in the familiar, knowing what's coming. So you can understand why I was so afraid to try. I'm sure its not news to you to hear that motherhood is hard and many times quite challenging. It's also like the ripest mango you could have the pleasure of eating, you could try to describe why that mango is so delicious, but you can't, so you swim in your own pool of deliciousness oblivious to what's going on around you.

That's what motherhood has felt like to me so far. So wrapped up in the joy of seeing my stomach swell, my emotions fly all over the place, this precious person on the other side, change and grow and morph into his own. I've been on my own carousel enjoying the ride, refusing to get of, but pleading "Again, again, again!" Not wanting to accept that it's time for me to integrate the two Rose's I have come to know.

What I failed to notice was that the carousel was really a potter's wheel, I needed to be moulded into something new just as much as he needed out after 40 odd weeks. I am now so much stronger than I was before, every leap in growth for him is one for me too...he learnt to crawl, I learnt how to listen to my instinct. He learnt to stand, I learnt to believe in my gifts. He started walking and I understood why confidence comes from within and not externally. He knows when he needs to hold a hand out for help, I learnt having a therapist was a sign strength not weakness.

I fought so hard to establish and hold onto a constant state of self that I was proud of. Familiar, comforting, resistant to change.

So who am I again?

I am still her, but so much more.

Thank you motherhood,

Rose
Xx

Not everyday beef, some days Kumbayah init!

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With the social climate we live in, it's very easy to get caught up and become angry and frustrated all day, every day. It's happened to me over the last couple of weeks and though I do not blame myself at all for the events that have caused me to feel this way, I recognise that it's a conscious effort that I have to make to shut myself off from the constant barrage of negativity.

It's a saying I used to have for my niece. As sweet little babies do, they ball up their fists unless they are asleep, super relaxed or belly full! Outside of this fist were balled up ready to throw hands, so I used to tell her "Not everyday beef, some days Kumbayah" as banter.

I have been repeating this same mantra to myself a lot recently because I've become so angry all of the time. I believe I have every right to feel that way, but it runs over into the times that I should be sleeping, relaxed and belly full...

I could say switch off your phone, don't watch the news, etc. But this is me we're talking about, let's be realistic. I think it's more realistic for me to again look inward and focus my attention on the positive aspects within my own life, because gratitude can quickly shift that anger out of the room.

It was recently the 62nd anniversary of Ghana's independence and it would have been very easy to get into talking about the reasons why Ghana and other African countries aren't where they should be, I decided to put a pause on that and just join in the celebrations the best way I could and relish the display's of Ghanaian pride around the world.

No matter your walk of life, it's important to be able to turn away from the uphill battle for perspective. Turn around look how far you've come. A few steps up a hill gives a far greater view than at ground level. And also it is a good thing to pause, lay a blanket, have a sandwich and enjoy yourself.

Rose
Xx

Where has the day gone? Managing my time better

As a mum, a wife, an employee and an entrepreneur you can imagine, I'm always trying to manage my time better. Prior to the mum part I wasn't very good at it. I was good enough at keeping things a float, but that was more of a continuous fluke than an actual skill. My husband can reel off story after story of me being late for work when I lived in London for the most foolish of reasons *face palm*

With all the balls I'm juggling, I'm trying to add back in blogger and YouTuber, so it's imperative for me to make a conscious effort to stop winging it and get better at time management. I'm very good at being busy, I need to be excellent at being productive.

Bear in mind time management and organisation are not the same thing. I am a pen and paper planner girl, even though i've gone digital for some things (mainly being able to share lists with my husband a.k.a honey-do lists), few things bring me more joy than writing out all that needs to be accomplished in a certain time frame and planning out when they need to be done, and in which order. I could give you a critical path analysis on how to clean my house, so organisation isn't my issue. My issue is with the verb part of the equation. I'm sure i'm not alone in being lulled into the false sense of security busyness brings, you start doing something, you don't finish, and you tell yourself that you didn't finish because you were so busy. Just me? Well shoot, at least i'm being honest *eyes emoji*

I've now realised that a key element of time management is focus. I could curate the world's most awesome to-do list and glaze over it with pride, but ain't shit getting done if I'm not able to focus my attention on each task, one at a time and move through them methodically. I've read countless articles, think pieces and blog posts that suggest, putting all the easy, not-so-important tasks first to give yourself a boost that you're achieving something. I'm going to go out on a limb and say IT DOESN'T WORK. If my overall goal is to write three blog posts by the end of tomorrow, making up three tasks and checking them off; say changing the bedsheets, putting the laundry in the machine, and getting the car washed, though they are things i've done - DO ZILTCH for me writing my blog posts. I'll feel a whole lot more satisfaction and achievement when I sit my ass down somewhere, block everyone out and focus on getting those posts written.

Actually there is one trick that I utilise and it does work; put the task you're dreading at the top of your to do list and do it first, before 10am. When I put that tip into practise i feel amazing, and that amazing productive feeling carries on throughout the day and I get even more done than I bargained for! This is what works for me, and I learnt it from someone else, so i'm always open to learning more. What productivity tips help you to manage your time better?

Rose
Xx

F**k Groupthink - What do you think?

Groupthink according to Wikipedia: “The practice of thinking or making decisions as a group, resulting in typically poor-quality decision making.”

A few weeks ago I wrote about being decisive, following your intuition and owning the choices you make. I’ve felt the pull to expand on this topic following what i’ve seen on the likes of twitter and Instagram following the Kardashian Vs Smiths showdown and Jussie Smollett case. It’s scary how easily we are swayed by what’s happening in popular culture, everyone has a particular opinion and because of FOMO, everyone jumps on it.

We consume news these days like people buy fast fashion, I worry about how people my age and younger that grew up with the rise of social media are able to stand on their own and form opinions of their own, even when it goes against the grain.

According to Irving Janis who has been credited with coining the term back in the 70's, he originally saw it as a problem within organisations. Now as the world has gotten smaller via globalisation, I see it as far more widespread. Even down to discussions on popular culture.

I've been guilty of it myself, afraid to put out my difference of opinion for fear of getting dragged online. It seems these days we gather more and more of our "facts" as quickly as possible via blog sites and social media pages like The Shade Room and Hollywood Unlocked. But that's a dangerous precedent to set, with the likes of Brexit looming, and seeing the consequences of hasty decisions, I really feel that we need to evaluate the power of our individual voices, especially those of us that have influence over the younger generation.

These are just my musings, I'm still working through solutions, but I hope I've given you something to THINK about.

Rose
Xx

Slow and steady wins the race! - Commitment

When I have an amazing idea that's going to change the world, or at least the corner of the world I see, I'm so full of excitement I can barely sit down. An old mentor of mine called it "Ignorance on fire!" That's exactly what it is, that adrenaline rush when the inspiration is flowing and your thoughts are running faster than your hands can write or type. When the vision is so bright in your mind's eye, you can almost feel it, it's so clear. That feeling hangs around for a few days, maybe even weeks - and then it fades, and your left with it's memory. 

That's when the work begins. Commitment is doing what you said you will do even after the feeling you said it in has passed. It's what takes the big, glittering vision from your mind to reality in the midst of A LOT of harsh and often mundane reality. What I've learnt looking back on my "ignorance on fire" phases is that what will get me to where I want to go is consistency. 

Consistency is what fuels commitment.

I know, I know, consistency and commitment gets boring, people stop watching, you stop getting the instant gratification of things moving quickly. Even so, bit by bit, when you look back over your shoulder you'll see you've come a long way and what seemed so tough to stick to in the beginning is now second nature.

It's not my first time blogging, not my second, not even my third, but after the excitement of choosing a website layout theme faded and I had flicked through all my professional photos - I got bored. Then 6 months after I quit, i'd get jealous of those that had kept putting one foot in front of the other. Imaaaaaaaagine!

I'm good at talking the talk, a lot of us are, just open Instagram and Twitter, but I'm now wearing my walking shoes to walk the walk. 

I can feel the mundane setting in, in the past I thought I was bored, it's not boredom, it's consistency, it's commitment and I welcome it. How about you?

Rose
Xx