Yep, ya girl has been furloughed. Let me start by saying, i know it could be worse, but I'm allowed to feel my feelings ok!
I suspected it would happen, the way I'm sure many people in the same situation saw it coming and I'm sure they share the same worries as me; wondering if they will still have a job and the end of all this. For the next 6 weeks at least I'll be what my mum and dad would call "on beans," a free agent.
When I got the news on Friday, I was devastated to put it lightly. All the feelings of dread from my previous experience of unemployment had been bubbling underneath the surface waiting to erupt and when I got the news - Boom. I was walking around my house in zombie mode repeating in my mind "Not again. Not again. Not again."
Back then, my value and worth was all tied up in my ability to earn a living wage, this time my fear was for my family and how I would contribute maintaining a comfortable standard of living. I also naively assumed this would put me a group of employees being first in line for redundancy, should it come to that.
Saturday I had to remind myself that I couldn't allow myself to go back to the person that fell into a deep depression because of unemployment. It had taken so much to pull myself out of that hole back in 2014, there was no way I could allow myself to go back there. Way too much at stake now.
So what I'm doing, is switching my mindset and choosing to see this time as a golden opportunity. At the end of last year I had hoped to have brought Bowë Skincare to Market by the end of March 2020, but with 'Rona doing the rounds it would never have been possible. Over the coming weeks I can take my time to get done all the things that I had panicked about not completing prior. I can enjoy having the time to experiment freely with new formulations, learn about revolutionary ingredients and how my brand can better serve future customers.
I've downloaded Duolingo and I'm learning Spanish as well as learning web development on Code Academy. Not necessarily because I fancy a change in career, but also because it's been a while since I've had the time to learn something new. I've got more time to create the content I enjoy making on social media platforms like YouTube, uninterrupted and of course, I can love on my family without outside pressure or interference.
I'm not trying to replace one hectic schedule with another, but I am making room for me to expand and indulge in the things I told myself I didn't have space for previously. Obviously, no one knows what will happen in the next 6 weeks or what my financial situation will be 3 months down the line, but I've survived every hardship I've faced in my life up to this point, so I'm secure in knowing that this one is highly unlikely to take me out either.
I'm silencing the worry with gratitude and counting myself as very lucky to have this free time for myself. I have been secretly desiring time to really make a go of the goals I set for myself and whenever I had tried to force it, burn the candle at both ends so to speak, God was looking at me with Ray J's glasses like "Really girl?" The way I see it; NOW He's made room for me and said "Ok, go!" So I'm going, and making sure I enjoy whilst doing it.
Rose
xoxo
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